Straight from Heart

Another guest post. Authored by Shiv Shankar Singh Yadav. This is for those who crib about everything they have. I have enough songs queued up and will mail all of them by next Monday. Apologies for late turnaround.

Disclaimer:- I think I share the same view.

This came to my mind after a long time. I am working in BPO for the last four years and I see lot of wrong things and I was not able to stop myself writing this. I belong to Najafgarh. It’s a suburban town on the outskirts of Delhi, famous for Sehwag.

When I was in school, I used to go to school in jam-packed DTC(Delhi Transport Corporation) by standing for almost two hours. So when I joined BPO for the first time Cab( Company provided transport) was a luxury for me, then I met people with different types of backgrounds, but they all were not rich enough, so that’s why they were in BPO. But they always pretend that they are richest person on earth.

I will not name any but there are lot of persons that use company cab like that it is the property of their father. Meet few examples below

• Mr A belongs to Lucknow lives in a rented PG that might have shared toilets and bathrooms but the first thing he want when he enters in the cab is to close all the windows and have the AC on full high.
• Mr B lives in a PG hostel where the nearest bus stop or rickshaw stand is almost three kms from his hostel, but when it comes to cab he wants the cab exactly at his door not 100 meters ahead or behind. Also he is scared of street dogs in the night; I believe he has no right to call him a man.
• Where do you get Salads, pickle, three types of dals and vegetables and not to forget sweet dish after these, still people don’t like the cafeteria food free of cost.

Only thing I can say that before over utilizing or complaining against things please work in a Indian company whose only success mantra is to suck blood of employees, there you will find AC in Company head room and third class coolers for employees and you can’t be late even if you are traveling miles from your home in a public transport and from meal point of view you will get tea even if MALLICK is generous enough.

Lindt, KFC and a Belt

Its hard to wake up when you have slept for just three and half hours. So after sleeping at 5:30 I somehow managed to wake up at 10 am. I promised Amrit that I would be at the International airport to receive him. And the last thing I wanted is to be called ‘Dhokhebaaj Tiwari’ as Ritesh Bhaiya and Manu Chacha named me for not showing up after making promises. I keep my promises sometimes. Sometime. Anjani promised me to drop at the airport but after sometimes we realised that we have just one helmet. So he dropped me at the dwarka flyover and i was to get a auto from there. Goodish plan. Sounded like one.

The Autowallahs of delhi is one bastard breed that will rather enjoy bidi with a newspaper than to earn. It took me 30 minutes to get an auto who agreed to drop me at airport just for 100 bucks!!! I reached in time. I picked him up, hired a prepaid taxi and got back to my home. This was the lowest waiting period for me at the international airport. I waited not more than 10 minutes.

We came back to home, I had one drink of Absolut Mango, he had three or was it four? He had another flight for Bhubaneswar at 6. Me and Ranjay went to drop him. Ranjay had some work in CP(collect some money from his tution teacher). We paid 150 bucks to this autowallah. The teacher asked him to come on wednesday as he was not carrying the big amount of rs 2000 with him.

While roaming in CP I bought a belt for me and we had some burgers as Gopi too joined in.

The search for an auto to drop us home was larger than what Ram had for Sita. We again paid 150 bucks to get back home.

Now, I have this. Thanks buddy!!!

Losing Weight

Work, could be killing sometimes. More lethal than any chemical poison. I realized this last to last week and could have paid a heavy price for it. All I wanted to feed my ego a bit and get some kick. Well, this kick could have been on my arse too. But missed it by a black cat’s whisker.

There is a process in which we increase salary of employee’s of a particular unit. As a standard procdeure, the defined timeline is of two weeks. But due to some issues between the employees and the company, we were asked to finish it between 5 days with 100 or more percent of accuracy. The best part of this increase was that it was retro increase. And entering those details in PeopleSoft is a real tough job. If any of you have ever worked on PeopleSoft, you know the pain. And yes, I need to test the whole procedure in a test environment and validate to the client that we could do it in production and all in 5 days. Being a smartass I took this as a challenge and promised my self that I would complete it in time and will not do extended shift atleast for 5 days. Thus giving myself just 40 hours for all the activities. It was a calculated risk, but a risk is a risk. I managed to finish it off within the given timeline.

While I was processing this increase, I received a research request from the client and in order to do it quickly, have screwed it in and out, thoroughly. I realised this when they reverted to double check what i have provided them. F**k, I sent them result of a wrong SQL query. But one colleague helped a lot in this and later on we identified that it was a system defect. I felt like i have just survived a near death experience.

In the meanwhile I was reading this book called “Weight Loss” by Upamanyu Chatterji. This guy is famous for his book The English August. I will not do a review kind of this book but would definitely like to give a brief intro of the main characters of the novel. This book is all about bisexual escapades of a person.

Bhola – The protagonist of the novel. The story starts when this guy was of 11 years and gets fascinated by his Physical Education teacher, his servant and the ring in his phallus, the sabziwali and her husband and many other people who stands on the lower order of society. His imagination is awesome and could put even an excellent porn writer to shame. In 19 years, from 18 to 37 he had sex with 8 people. 4 female and 4 male.

Dosto – Bhola’s only friend. He is witty and marries Bhola’s first crush. He was named after a famous Russian writer. Dosto use to give oral stimulation to his driver back home from school and has even tried to run away with him.

Titli – The sabzi wali, whose physical structure changed many times as the story progressed but the only thing that remained same was the effect that she had on Bhola. After Bhola turned 18, they had sex almost whenever they meet. Trivia – She used suck blood of Bhola’s newborn daughter through a syringe. He was unaware until he found the syringe and the blood spilled on her bosom.

Moti – Titli’s husband. Moti suffered from severe erectile dysfunction and use to share same space in Bhola’s mind what he had for Titli. Bhola even had some sessions with Moti. Trivia – Moti’s first experience was with a cattle.

Dr Borkar – Dosto calls him Dr Whorekar. He is not a qualified doctor and doesnot count himself in quacks. Titli worked for him as a nurse and he used to reach orgasm just by sniffing Titli’s various orifices. Borkar uses condoms as chewing gums.

For the rest of the story (if you are interested by now) buy a genuine copy of Weight Loss and read it any of the weekend. The novel is more psychedelic than semi porn. I will not call it erotic.

PS:- I have added a ‘Request a Song’ page, where you could request for a hindi song and i will try to mail it to you.

PPS:- www.neelabh.com completed one year.

Four Frustrated Minds

First- I am a girl and I am still single. I shouldnt have run away from the truth that day. but kya karti main, main kitni immature thi. Abhi inhe kaise bataun ki wo flame abhi bhi kahin jal rahi hai? Koi time machine hota to abhi main sabkuch badal deti. Kaisi baatein sochti hoon main, I am still not mature. And why the hell I am talking on such topics with these two idiots. I shouldnt have played that silly game about negative feedback with that girl. It must have ruined her weekend. Kitni jolly thi bechari, aaj usne mere Hi ka sahi se jawab nahin diya. She must be pissed off. Uff! I talk too much.

Second- I am a girl and I am still single. Is this the fault of college I went to? I should have been studied in a co-ed college. Itne saare crush hote hain mere but koi fruitful nahi hota hai. I was already feeling low today without any reason and these fools are making me more depressed. Kya koi raat ko anjaane logon se relationship status ke baare mein baat karta hai. Sometimes I think they are encroaching my personal space. LS people. I should try to confine within myself.

Third- I am a man and I am still single. There is a fear. It might be a fear of rejection. But on a closer retrospect I found that it is the fear of getting into a relationship. I know I am cynical and stubborn. This self realization is the primary cause of all these fears. And why the hell do I get attracted to every second girl I see, I am still to learn. Akele rahte rahte khud ki itni aadat ho gayee hai ki ab mera personal space bahut bada ho gaya hai. Dar lagta hai ki relationship ke baad khud ko kisi ke saath share karna padega. Agle 4 saal baad main arranged marriage kar lunga. Will I ever say what is in mind to that girl for whom I wrote an apology post in April but did not post it.

Fourth- WTF!

Irate

For past half a week I am feeling irritated, full of angst and negative energy. I dont have a clue why is this happening. Is this because of two days of fever and sleep or some lunar activities? I am not sure.

I need to do something that should vent this anger(?). I am not sure what to do? I want to shout on someone. I want to hit someone on nose till the person bleed and die or my knuckles become senseless. I want to bang my head right into the screen of this PC. I am sane enough and I will not do any of these.

The Blue Shirt

I had this fad for cufflinks since childhood. Many of my shirts paid price for it as I manually made a second button hole in the cuffs so that I can wear cufflinks. If you are on my Orkut list you could see once such photo in my album. At that time I did not have an idea that I need not use scissor to make a second hole in my cuffs.

When I came to Delhi I saw one of my uncles wearing a double cuff shirt and I was quite amused. This was the thing I was looking for. A shirt for which cufflinks are mandatory. That day I made up my mind that one day I will buy many double cuff shirts and cufflinks. The dream was big at that time at they were a bit(around double) costly than the normal once. It was in 1999.

Many years passed and the dream lived on. One day while roaming in CP, the dream revisited me. And fortunately it was few days after the salary day. Now I could buy atleast one double cuff shirt. I headed towards the Van Heusen showroom and bought a shiny light blue double cuff shirt for me. I felt like king. Not really. I felt like God. I was the happiest person on the earth when I came back home and tried that shirt with the newly bought blue stone cufflinks. But when should I wear it. Not an issue. I would wear it a special occasions. That was in December 2007.

The first occasion was Anjani’s(my good ol’ school friend) marriage reception. The second time I wore it was when Chinoo chacha got married. I neatly packed the shirt and thought that I would wash it once, wear it to work and then will dry clean it.  We shifted to a new house in october 2008.

On the last day of October 2008 at around 1 am, I thought that now I should put that shirt in regular use and should quite often wear it to work. I searched for the shirt. It was not there where it was supposed to be. I searched the whole house but could not find it. My heart started missing beats. I kicked arses of all my room mates and asked about its whereabouts. They were really clueless. Some even asked which shirt, as they never saw me wearing one.

I disturbed God at around 3 am in the morning and prayed him for my lost shirt. I asked one of my room mates to go to the previous house and search for it. We might have left it there.

Yes!Yes!Yes! It was there, with my landlady. They found it while cleaning the house and have securely kept it with them. How relieved I was. I could bet that this joy would be better than when i will have my first relationship.

The shiny blue double cuff shirt is with the dry cleaners and I will wear it very soon. I missed it for 4 hours and now I dont want to miss it any more.

RIP

Mahendra Kapoor

(January 9, 1934 – September 27, 2008)

Chalo ek baar phir se, ajnabi ban jaye ham dono -2

Na main tumse koi ummeed rakhoon dilnavaazi ki
Na tum meri taraf dekho galat andaaz nazaron se
Na mere dil ki dhadkan ladkhadaaye meri baaton mein
Na zaahir ho tumhaari kashm-kash ka raaz nazaron se
Chalo ek baar phir se..

Tumhen bhi koi uljhan rokti hai peshkadmi se
Mujhe bhi log kehte hain, ki yeh jalve paraaye hain
Mere hamraah bhi rusvaaiyaan hain mere maajhi ki -2
Tumhaare saath bhi guzri hui raaton ke saaye hain
Chalo ek baar phir se..

Taarruf rog ho jaaye to usko bhoolnaa behtar
Taalluk bojh ban jaaye to usko todnaa achchha
Voh afsaana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin -2
Use ek khoobsoorat mod dekar chhodna achchha
Chalo ek baar phir se..


Great Singer. Great Song. May god rest his soul in peace.